First of all, I should have done this DAYS ago, but a big ol’ happy birthday to Discotrash Her big 3-0 was on July 3rd (told you I was late)! Anyways, that is not why she would, in fact, love this blog. She will love this post because it contains the following picture.
Oh yeah Discotrash, this should be the uniform in your neck of the woods (Taken in LA on the Sunset Strip)
What is it with me and run ins with the homeless? I think I’m a magnet. I am a sucker for a human being in need, but sometimes, I am astounded. I feel for these people, really, I do. At the same time, however, this shit just BEGGED to be blogged.
I live in Northern Virginia, not far from our nations capital, Washington, D.C. It’s not uncommon for people in NoVa to head to DC after the bars close on the weekend, because in DC, last call isn’t until 3am.
A few years ago, when I had first moved to the area, I went on a psuedo date with this guy, B, and a few of my friends, K and C tagged along as a sort of double date. B was just getting off work as a bartender, so we shot right to DC to get our drinkin’ on.
After circling the block 20 times looking for a parking spot (YOU try getting a spot the first try in DC!), then having B park my truck for me (I can’t paralell park to save my soul, people), we locked up and headed down the street to the bar. K and I walked behind the boys to giggle at how cute they were and other girlish stupid things.
With the boys a few feet ahead of us, I noticed that B was talking to an obviously homeless man. My heart swam when I saw B so generous and hand the man a $10 bill. We caught up with the boys, and C heard me say to K, “Isn’t that sweet? He helped that poor man out!”
At that point, B started cracking up and C could barely contain himself. Between chuckles, C leaned over and said to me “You are such a sucker. B paid that man not to *uck up your truck.” K then further explained that this is COMMON in DC. They approach you for money, and if you don’t give a small donation, the vehicle you were seen exiting just might not be in one piece once you get back.
As you can imagine, I was no longer impressed with his generosity, freaked out, and demanded my Disney Character ass be brought back to VA at once! Didn’t happen… but I haven’t gone out in DC since.
I managed to go quite a few years without any more run-ins with the homeless. That was, until I visited Los Angeles this Spring.
My travel day, like most, was a long one. 3 flights cross-country, starting at 5am. When I finally arrived in LA, all I wanted was a bite to eat and to revel in the fact that I was in the city of angels, the city I’ve been in love with since I could remember.
As soon as I had checked in to the hotel, I stopped in at a pizza joint on Hollywood Blvd., and after I was done grubbin, I took my to-go container full of french fries, and headed down the street.
Not 3 blocks from the restaurant, a homeless man RUNS up to me and grabs the food container out of my hands and takes off. The man STOLE. MY. FRIES.
Utterly confused and slightly freaked out, all I could do was watch the man run away from me. He didn’t go for my purse hanging on my shoulder, which sucks for him cuz I had JUST arrived and hadn’t spent much money. He grabbed my FOOD!
How was this a wise decision for him? What if I were a serial killer and got off by carrying severed fingers of my victims in a to-go box? What if I had spit on those fries? What if that was my dead grandma’s ashes?! More importantly, why me?!
Am I the only one who thinks of this crap? Am I the only one this crap HAPPENS to?! Leave me comments and tell me your crazy homeless people stories, everyone has one!
….I’m gonna go shut up and wait.
I Should Just Shut Up 