California Dreaming

For the first time in a long time, I woke up with a smile on my face.

Yawning, stretching, peering around to familiar yet unfamiliar scenery, my face felt weird… different. I was smiling. I was happy, BEFORE a cup of coffee.

Even though I don’t know where anything is, or how to get anywhere, this was truly my homecoming. This is a place that breathes new life back into me. It’s familiar, yet unexplored. Strange, yet so comfortable. New, but… home. Just… home.

As I lay my head down for sleep last night, I had to convince myself that when I wake up, it will all be the same. I’m not dreaming, I’m not fantasizing, I’m here.

This is my chance to get it right. To give myself what I deserve, and get rid of what I don’t. To be the person I’ve always wanted to be, and not bog myself down with misery and despair.

I am surrounding myself with people who I love, and love me back. I will not waste my time, my energy, or my life any longer. Being here doesn’t negate a perfect life, I’m not letting myself be naive, but it is a BETTER life. Only because I will make it one. I’ll have to work hard, but that has never scared me. I’ll have to keep myself in check, but I’m a big girl now, I should be able to handle that.

I miss those I love back home, but I hope they know, me being here doesn’t make me love them any less. I’ve found my happy. It was in Southern California all along…


Authors Note: Everyone who reads this blog knows the obvious. I’m not so good at keeping up with things I start. Once again, I’m going to attempt to breathe life back into this blog. I’m hoping someone will help me. You know, cattle prod me or something. Shutting up now…


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January 2012
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