Something In Her Mouth

No, this post isn’t about a Nickelback song, I promise!

I have, what I can only describe as an oral fixation. My lips and mouth ALWAYS have to be busy. Get your mind out of the gutter, assholes!

I’m pretty sure I have this retarded oral fixation because I have ADHD and it’s not medicated, a choice I made years ago, because I felt like a zombie on Ritalin, and people were pretending to me my friend so they could steal them from me.

I was diagnosed with ADHD around the time that school psychologists and teachers and doctors were running rampant with the diagnosis, and popping pills into every single hyper kids mouths. Teachers were especially uneducated about the learning disability, and often treated me like a retarded kid in class.

I remember my 4th grade science teacher telling me “it’s okay if you didn’t do your homework last night, I know you’re special.” At the time, I didn’t quite understand WHY I was special, but they kept pumping me with these drugs, and I had an excuse to do what I wanted.

Despite allowing myself to use my diagnosis as an excuse, I passed the 4th and 5th grades, and moved to another school during the 6th. I saw another child psychiatrist who doubted my diagnosis, but the results showed that I was one of the few kids who actually DID have the disorder, and that I needed to adjust my medication so it actually worked.

A few weeks in, that’s when I started to feel like a zombie. I couldn’t sleep, so I would drag myself into school. As soon as the meds kicked it, I was so awake that I could barely blink. I absorbed information like a sponge, and I had just about the same mental capacity as one at the same time.

I’d get home and I’d crash, so I wouldn’t do my homework and most of the time, I’d forget what we learned, or just didn’t care because my brain was too busy shutting down on me. I spent most of my time alone and in my room, letting my brain turn to mush. A lot of other stupid shit was going on at the time, so this seemed like a peaceful way to cope.

When I moved to a new school for 7th grade, I was determined to do better, and actually try and learn. I was tired of being the “special” kid, and just wanted to be invisible and do my work. I started spitting out my medication before swallowing it, and spent my time at school just trying to sit. effin. still.

That’s when I figured out if I have something in my hands, and something in my mouth, I could actually LEARN SOMETHING. I bought an arsenal of gum every morning at the corner store, and always had something small to fiddle around with. It drove my teachers CRAZY, but I was sitting still, wasn’t talking in class, and wasn’t asking to go to the bathroom every single period.

I finally worked up the courage to tell my therapist that I wanted to stop taking my medications and I spilled my guts to her as to what I’ve been doing. She prescribed a different medication, but I refused to take it, and my mother never even filled it. I was damned and determined to do this without medication. With all the trouble I had in school, at home, and with people stealing my pills, I couldn’t handle it anymore. I just wanted to try and be normal.

I skated through school without medication, and I remain unmedicated to this day. I’ve learned to live with the random outbursts of energy (twice while writing this, I’ve had to get up and pace through my house a few times), the inability to concentrate at times, ridiculous ramblings while talking and/or typing, the absolute NEED to multi-task at times,  and all the usual frustrations that go along with it.

Every time it gets difficult, I find myself eating or chewing on something random. And I mean random. Pen caps, or even the bottom of stick pens. The plastic things that were on the pull-strings of my hoodie, anything. I seem to prefer rubbery things, last night I even chewed on the rubber grip to a mechanical pencil. Told you, random. My desk is a mess of chewed up things, and scraps of paper, because I write constant notes, and attempt organization, that looks like total chaos to anyone that is not inside my head. That gets amusing sometimes.

My point is, that we’ve turned so many kids into excuse making zombies, when really, all you have to do is pop something rubbery and chewy into their mouth and show them the internet.

I really should just shut up…..


4 Responses to “Something In Her Mouth”

  1. 1 Carrie
    May 19, 2009 at 3:21 am

    Good for you! I just recently did kind of the same thing by refusing medication for my bipolar disorder. For 12 years, I’ve been on just about every combination of medication you can come up with and it either didn’t work, side effects were intolerable, or I cycled through it. Not to mention the zombie feeling you were talking about. But, I’m finding different things to deal with the daily ups and downs and so far, so good. Goes to show you, when you put your mind to it, you can do anything. No one can tell you what’s right for you unless they’re in your head.

  2. June 12, 2009 at 9:54 pm

    As a parent of a 9 year old with sever ADHD, I enjoyed reading this blog entry to try to see what he goes through. The schools aren’t so sympathetic anymore when it comes to ADHD kids. Mine has been suspended many times for not staying in his seat, and that is even on the meds. Maybe I will give him something to gnaw upon and see if it helps!

    • 3 tattooedpixie
      June 12, 2009 at 11:18 pm

      Unfortunately these days, schools AREN’T sympathetic anymore, because so many kids were misdiagnosed with ADHD. Is your son seeing a councilor? Or is his primary care writing the prescriptions? My suggestion would be to find your son a good councilor who specializes in kids with ADHD. And remind yourself and your son that just because he’s seeking counciling, does NOT mean something is wrong with him, the councilor just wants to help him! Good luck!

  3. June 15, 2009 at 1:49 pm

    Yeah, he sees the counselor every other week. He is one of those kids that there was no debate on whether he had ADHD or not. Hell, I’ve known since he learned to talk and run(never walked!)
    He has more of the hyperactivity than the attention defict part of it, a LOT more. LOL I see you are a local NOVA resident too, since you mentioned JAXX. I wish that place would bring in some better music, I can’t handle the hair metal or the scary death/black metal stuff. Bring back the punk!

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