Yes, you are here with me. Always.

Now that I’ve had time to recover from Saturday night, and fight off the plague that hit me on Monday morning, I’m ready to sit down and put my thoughts into words on the new Julien-K album “We’re Here With You”!

On release day (January 23rd, 2012), we watched it climb up the Electronic Albums chart on iTunes, and it peaked at #2!!! And listening to this album over and over again, I can’t quite figure out why it didn’t hit #1. It’s a truly amazing album. (Click the song title to preview songs on amazon.com, and to buy them a la carte. Links to purchase the album can be found at the bottom.)

1- We’re Here With You ~ I LOVE the guitars on this track, it’s got a raw, honest tone that I wasn’t expecting. The beat gets you from second one, and I can’t stop moving when this song is on. It’s not a dance-y track, but definitely one you can groove to. The lyrics are amazing; vague without too much mystery. Makes me feel like this song was written about me, and I’m sure others can find that connection to this track. 5/5

2- Surrounded By Cowards ~ This was the track I was the most excited for. Hearing the snippets while they were recording it, I had pegged this as an early fave. The guys did NOT disappoint. While I’m not SUPER excited about the high notes Ryan’s hitting in this track, it doesn’t ruin the song, or take away from it at all. The beat (and hook!) is absolutely addictive and catchy. Definitely a “stuck-in-your-head-all-day” song. 5/5

3- Cruel Daze Of Summer ~ Another highly anticipated track that was worth all the hype. The melody on this song is just so… DEEP and resonating, I couldn’t help but fall in love with it. Great beat that flows well throughout, hooks you early and keeps you going, however the song runs a WEE bit longer than it probably should. This song is electronic music at it’s finest! 5/5

4- Breakfast in Berlin- Free Download! ~ This is the first single off of “We’re Here With You”. I have to say, NOT my favorite track. The beat is gritty and dirty (in a good way), but the vocals just don’t… click with me. And all the “ah ah”‘s. Too many “ah ah”‘s. Good song, just not great, and not in my top 10. 3/5 (Authors Note: The free download is from the band themselves, so say thank you!)

5- Palm Springs Reset ~ Another favorite off the album. My personal favorites are always the ones that are raw emotion with a great beat. This track is really what these guys do best, if you ask me. The drum track on this is really strong and the lyrics are so pretty. Ryan’s vocals are so soothing and it’s the perfect “chill out” song, almost… cleansing. Very Depeche Mode-esque! 5/5

6- Colorcast ~ Pure electro heaven! I love the beat and the overall feel of this song. The vocals are a bit… higher than I like, but it DOES suit the song well. This is a perfect club/dance song. In fact, I’m dancing a little right now as I write this as I listen along. 4/5

7- Close Continuance ~ Definitely the darker tune on the record, and NOT a favorite of mine. The beat is good, I just dislike the vocals, too “talky” for my liking in the beginning. Once we get into the hook, I’m down to listen, but still a little too high for me. I’ll most likely skip over this one when I’m listening to the whole album. 2/5

8- Nights Of Future Past ~ This track makes up for “Close Continuance”! It’s a darker, deeper song, and I love the way it was put together. Ryan’s vocals are super smooth, and the melody gets me. I LOVE the hook on this song! This song reminds me of Orgy… amplified by 10, with more awesome on top… if any of that makes sense. 5/5

9- Flashpoint Riot ~ I didn’t THINK I would like this song, but I was surprised when I heard it all the way through. I do like this song. Heavy guitars, saturated with electro beats, the perfect fusion of rock and electronica. This is the song that proves the guys know what they are doing, and they know how to pave the way. The vocals are a little too… processed for me, but it suits the song well. Another great club/dance song, and I can see this being played live at a club like Voyeur in San Diego (hint! hint! LED Wall! Hint!). 4/5

10- I’ll Try Not To Destroy You ~ Another song I was really anticipating. While I don’t typically like Ryan’s high notes, this song is the exception. Love love love the beat, the flow, and the melody in this song. This song is pure seduction, beginning to end. Easily my favorite track on the entire album, and I pegged it as a favorite as soon as I heard the whole CD. The vocals in this track are absolutely FLAWLESS, and all the elements they used to compose it, fit like a puzzle. Everything marries so well here, if a song can be absolute perfection, this is the one. 5/5

I had such high hopes for this album, being such a long time fan. And with 100% honesty, this album does not disappoint at all. The evolution of this band is so organic and smooth. An overall lighter tone than Death to Analog, it really suits the band, and it suits me just fine. I LOVE the guitars used throughout the whole album, and the way they’re soaked with the electro elements, sounds like it SHOULDN’T work, but it does. All in all, job well done. Now get to work on #3!

Click the image below to buy the album, which I HIGHLY suggest you do!

A Life Worth Living

Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.
~William James- American Philosopher

7 days ago, to the hour, I sat in an airport. Unseasonably warm for January, I gazed out at the tarmac of Logan Airport, and watched in wonder as the staff loaded luggage off and then on the airplane. Clutching to my lifeline, my phone, I quickly tweeted a somewhat witty joke about lobsters as I watched boxes upon boxes of live crustacean be roughly loaded into the airplane.

When I relive that moment in my head, I close my eyes. I can smell the disinfectant that permeated the airport. I can feel the rough, well-used faux leather of the seat and armrest. I can taste the remnants of the iced coffee I sucked down swiftly before heading through security, sweet and familiar. I can hear the hustle and bustle of every day travelers, the excitement of the newcomers, and the weary sighs of the veterans. And out on the tarmac, I can see the belly of the beast being stuffed full. The beast that will carry me to my new adventure, deliver me to my clean slate.

As the beast ripped and tore through the air as we took flight, I sat in my seat and thought to myself, “Will I land?”. I quickly push this thought out of my head, instead allowing logic to sweep in. “Of course I will land, I always do. I’m alive, I’m well, and if there is a God, he cannot punish me again. I don’t deserve that, and I will land.”

As my carrier floated through the clouds, I could feel pieces of myself falling away. Slicing through the metals and innards, and falling to the ground. The dirt and the grime of my life in Massachusetts, free-falling to the unsuspecting and clueless people below. Busy with their own lives, no one realizing the rebirth occurring 37,000 feet above their heads. Chunks of hurt and anguish, clumps of insecurities and pain, blocks of heartbreak and fear. They all lay in the mud, the grass, the lakes and ponds below.

As we descend to the ground, I feel my breath catch in my throat. This is it, this is my time. My lungs force the air through my throat, burning to fill themselves again. And they do. And, just like I told myself, God or not, I landed.

The past week has been exhilarating and amazing. I’m exploring my surroundings, but also exploring myself as well. A new me is pushing through my old skin, and I am nurturing her, and helping her seep through in the most natural way possible. I’m learning something new about myself everyday. My old habits are fading, and new ones are forming.

The old me would never enjoy an overcrowded night club, pulsating with sweaty bodies and deafening beats. Massachusetts me would have balked at the thought, and stayed home, curled up in front of the computer. If forced to go, I would be a wall-flower. Feeling ugly, feeling out-of-place. I would have been desperate for someone to find me worthy of a dance, worthy of a look. I would drown myself in booze, and cry heartbroken when I went home alone, no one to hold me and tell me how beautiful I’m not.

Saturday night, I was in that crowd of people. I was ONE of those sweaty bodies. Pushing even further beyond my old self, I danced. I danced without insecurity. I danced with a boy, not to seduce him into “loving” me, not to prove my worth, but JUST to dance. Just to have fun. I didn’t search for validation in the eyes of the people around me. Old me needed that to feel loved, to feel welcome, to feel like I belonged. New me just LIVED in the moment. I danced without fear, I drank without drowning, I enjoyed. And I loved. Not another person for validating me, but I loved… me.

I find facination in the simplest things. From losing my Voyeur* Virginity, to sitting at home on the couch, my friends, my new family beside me. Everything is new, and I can’t wait to discover more and more.

As the new me settles in, I can’t wait to learn more and more about her. I don’t yet know who I am, but instead of dying, I’m LIVING to find out. Because this is MY life, and I say it’s worth living. I just hope that she won’t shut up…

 

 

*- Voyeur is the club in downtown San Diego my friends and I went to on Saturday night. While my friends are regulars, it was my first time there, and my first time in a REAL night club. You can visit the Voyeur website by clicking here.

 

What I’m Listening To: “Marry the Night” by Lady Gaga ~ Amazon MP3

What I’m Reading: “The Last Living Slut: Born in Iran, Bred Backstage” by Roxana Shirazi ~ Paperback – Kindle

California Dreaming

For the first time in a long time, I woke up with a smile on my face.

Yawning, stretching, peering around to familiar yet unfamiliar scenery, my face felt weird… different. I was smiling. I was happy, BEFORE a cup of coffee.

Even though I don’t know where anything is, or how to get anywhere, this was truly my homecoming. This is a place that breathes new life back into me. It’s familiar, yet unexplored. Strange, yet so comfortable. New, but… home. Just… home.

As I lay my head down for sleep last night, I had to convince myself that when I wake up, it will all be the same. I’m not dreaming, I’m not fantasizing, I’m here.

This is my chance to get it right. To give myself what I deserve, and get rid of what I don’t. To be the person I’ve always wanted to be, and not bog myself down with misery and despair.

I am surrounding myself with people who I love, and love me back. I will not waste my time, my energy, or my life any longer. Being here doesn’t negate a perfect life, I’m not letting myself be naive, but it is a BETTER life. Only because I will make it one. I’ll have to work hard, but that has never scared me. I’ll have to keep myself in check, but I’m a big girl now, I should be able to handle that.

I miss those I love back home, but I hope they know, me being here doesn’t make me love them any less. I’ve found my happy. It was in Southern California all along…

 

Authors Note: Everyone who reads this blog knows the obvious. I’m not so good at keeping up with things I start. Once again, I’m going to attempt to breathe life back into this blog. I’m hoping someone will help me. You know, cattle prod me or something. Shutting up now…

Always Use Protection

I know I’ve mentioned on here before that I am a BuzzAgent for BuzzAgent.com, a website that connects companies with consumers to get honest opinions, and launch word-of-mouth campaigns.

As an Agent, I recently received a free one-year subscription to Trend Micro Titanium. Considering I was in the market for a good anit-virus software, this came at the perfect time. My awesome hook-up included coverage for 3 different computers, too. Great bonus!

The features on this software are really amazing. First of all, the installation is smooth sailing. It will automatically detect old anti-virus software, and then uninstall it if prompted. Something my previous anti-virus didn’t do. And installing it on a second and third computer? NOT the hassle I was expecting. It was honestly really easy!

This software runs on half the memory and disk space as other anti-virus software, so really, you set it up and forget it. No more waiting for your software to load while sludging your computer up. It’s fabulous!

Social Network security is another awesome feature. Non-intrusive, it simply highlights each link it detects on Facebook, Twitter, Google, and tons of other websites. Green for Good, Red for No Bueno, and Gray if it can’t really tell. It’s not distracting or annoying, and really helps you pick out the good links from the bad quickly and easily. My GRANDMA could tell what a bad link is, and she still calls the computer a microwave…

SmartPhone Protection- who the hell thought of this?! I never thought about getting a virus on a smartphone! But, apparently it can happen, and Trend Micro has you covered. While I don’t have a smartphone, I did offer it to my friend. Unfortunately, they did not offer protecting for his system, which is about the only complaint I have. They don’t offer service for ALL smart phones, but they do have a good sized list.

As far as file protection goes, Trend Micro offers a way to lock up, even erase, all files if your device or computer ever gets stolen or hacked. It’s super simple too, all you have to do is go on the website, log-in, and BAM! No one will find those embarassing pictures of you knee deep in a bucket of tequila wearing a sombrero. What? Just me? Oh…

Moving on, the quick scan for your computer is great, and the full scan is even more awesome. Again, it doesn’t sludge up the computer, making it crawl for 6 hours while it scans. I did a full scan on both my computers, and each were done relatively quick!

Honestly, Trend Micro is so packed full of features, I haven’t had the time to play with all the bells and whistles it comes with. However, I can truly say I love this software! I know that come next August, I’ll be renewing my subscription.

Interested in getting a copy of your own? I’ve got an awesome hook-up for you!

Compliments of BizzAgent.com, I’ve got 2 ways for you to save!

1- Head on over to Trend Micro and enter the code ” BZZ30 ” for a discount or…

2- Print out This Coupon for $30 off at Best Buy!

Let me know how you guys like it!

True Life: I’m a Hoarder – The Pixie Episode

If you follow me on twitter, you saw I recently twit-pic’ed a barrage of photos in quick succession.

Tip of the iceburg, people.

In order to help hold myself accountable, and in an effort for self-therapy, I am airing out my dirty laundry (well, in this case, clean laundry). I am a clothes hoarder. And this is my proof.

Exhibit A:

Red Tank Top, looks horrible on me, wore once

Exhibit B:

Black Tank Top, Gift From Gramma. Has Sequins. I hate sequins.

Exhibit C:

Red Kimono Dress. Wore it once (in California) NOT flattering. Makes me look fat(ter) and flat chested.

Exhibit D:

Bought this at a thrift store. NEVER WORE IT. Heavy and unflattering.

Exhibit E:

Super cute, right? Right. Except it fits awkward as hell. Well, it would fit SOMEONE awkward as hell. For me? It just doesn't fit.

Exhibit F:

I'm supposed to wear these to the gym. Except I never have. They look weird on my butt, and my butt looks weird as it is.

Exhibit G:

I wore this my first day of my senior year of high school. Haven't worn it since. Sad that I still own it? Yes. Sad that I know when I last wore it? Yes. Sad that I wore this IN HIGH SCHOOL? Oh yeah.

Exhibit What The Hell Letter Are We On?:

LOVE THIS TANK TOP! Hate that it doesn't fit. Never has. I bought it anyway.

Exhibit Oh Good God, There’s More?! :

This shirt has ruffles. I hate ruffles. More than I hate sequins.

Folks, even these pictures don’t cover the tip of the iceburg. Other winning items include: Gloria Vanderbilt pants that even Stevie Wonder can see are uuuuugly. Purple pants my grandmother gave me for Christmas that I can only see Richard Simmons wearing… as cut offs. (Ha! Have fun with that visual imagery! You’re welcome!) A tank top that my chest POURS out of. Repeatedly. A pair of jeans that couldn’t flatter Denise Richards. A pair of jeans that has more butterfly’s on the ass then a 12 year old girls room (or that one Crazy Town video, your choice.) And 2 pairs of jeans that didn’t fit when I bought them, still don’t fit, and never will fit.

And those are just the BAD STUFF.

I also have about 15 tank tops. SIX, count ‘em, SIX hooded sweatshirts. Two pairs of sneakers that I hate. One pair that I love that doesn’t fit. A pair of ankle boots that I searched tirelessly for (to go with the red kimono dress!), only to NOT wear them for the event, and never ever wear them. More pajama pants than any one human being should be allowed (just don’t take my gnome jammies away!!). I even own footie pajama’s people. Footie pajama’s. I’m going to be 26.

I’ll go shut up, you soak all that in.

My Brain is a Scary Place

Yesterday, I had this interesting conversation with an older gentleman:

Me: “So, you’re really 94 years old? Wow! You honestly don’t look like a man in his 90′s!”

Gentleman: “Why thank you, young lady. I’ll give you the secret. Treat your body like a machine! I was a mechanic for 34 years, and I treat my body like I treated every car I worked on. Think of it this way. McDonalds and all that fast food crap, that’s all regular unleaded gas. Sure, it’ll do when you’re running on E, but if you put the premium in your tank, you’re gonna run better, smoother, and longer!”

At this point, I’m guessing I had been silent for a few awkward seconds.

Gentleman: “Are you alright, sweet pea?”

Me: “Oh, yeah. Fine. I was just thinking about how fat my next car is gonna be…”

The things I think of, people.

I Like My Mower Extra Crispy

Part of my job is taking in equipment such as mowers, leaf blowers, weewackers, vacuum, and things like that for repairs done at a central location. It’s honestly the bigger part of my job, and every once in awhile a customer comes in with an interesting problem.

A customer brought this in to us the other day:

Hurrah for crappy cell phone pictures

Now, I didn’t talk with the customer, my boss did. Boss man says this customer claims to have left his mower in the driveway, went to bed, and when he got up the next day his lawn mower looked like… well… that.

Huh.

Somehow, I don’t think we’re going to be able to fix that…

Missed the boat

I am way, way, way late to this party. For the first time, I just read Lord of the Flies by William Golding. I’ve been told that this book was required reading in most high schools or middle schools, so I’m not sure how it slipped by me. I’ve heard about it over and over again, and since several of the books I wanted from the library were unavailable, I picked it up.

First off, this book was not what I was expecting. Before reading, I asked the opinions of people who read the book. Time and time again I was told it was a twisted and disturbing story. Now that I’ve read it, I respectfully disagree. It was not a bad book. In fact, I enjoyed it. However, I’m curious to know why people find the story disturbing.

Marooned on an island, these boys are left with no adult supervision, no previous survival training, and no supplies. Literally stranded, I have to say, I was more surprised that they figured out how to survive more than anything. The right idea’s were in place, and if this were a true story, these kids would be legendary for their survival instincts. Piggy’s ingenuity and Ralph’s insistence on the fire were brilliant ideas, and spot on. The worry for the “littluns” was slightly surprising, but only because it was a very maternal thing to experience, something young boys aren’t expected to feel, nor act on.

The fact that a superiority complex reared its ugly head was not surprising. It was an island inhabited only by adolescent males. Everyone wants to be the leader, no one wants to be the pack. The fact that these kids were 100% isolated from any sort of established society gives plenty of reason to the complexes and urges the boys felt, and gives credence to the madness that eventually doomed Simon, Piggy, Roger, Jack, and many others. Pubescent testosterone flowing through the veins of children who just want to survive can be a deadly combination. Throw in a dash of “penis envy” and this story unfolds exactly how it should.Even the blunders and carelessness fit in. These kids can’t be expected to know everything, and mistakes were bound to be made.

The one thing I disliked most about this book was that mystery surrounding the parachute. Simon was rambling about a “body”, the parachute wrapped around him, but there was never anything definitive about the body, or why it was apart of the story. I feel like the author threw in a random excuse for the loss of Simon’s life. He needed a reason to kill him off, and throwing in something random was the best solution. In my opinion, that plot line definitely needed to be probed a bit more.

Overall, I can’t say that I am disturbed by the story at all. Nothing was really shocking, and nothing was truly unexpected, but not to the point of predictability. Well balanced, and very much understandable why it’s a classic.

I’m curious to see what my readers think. Did you read the book? If so, did you find it disturbing? Why? Why not?

Pixie’s Guide to Public Transportation

For those of you unaware, I am currently not a licensed driver. Even if I were to be one, however, I have no access to a vehicle. Since I work, that leaves me with two options. Bum a ride or take the bus. Bumming a ride isn’t always feasible, so I resort to daily use of public transportation.

It’s very easy to empathize with those who loathe, and even fear, the city bus. You really never know what you’re gonna see, find, smell, taste (yep, taste), or experience on your trip from Point A to Point B. Since I travel on several buses a day, 5 days a week, here is my handy guide to riding (and surviving) the public transit system, and a guide to good bus etiquette.

• Check the bus schedule - Listen, we all run late sometimes, we understand. But when you chase after the bus every single day because you were “running late”, it’s time to re-evaluate your routine, home girl. When the bus has to stop and wait for you to haul ass over to the door, and then wait while you proceed to dig out your change, it holds up EVERYONE on that bus. We have shit to do, get your shit together. They have the schedules right on the bus, and if you’re not sure, just ASK SOMEONE at the bus stop, providing you get your ass there ON TIME. On time is 5 minutes earlier than when the bus is due to arrive, by the way, and not running out the door when you see it drive by your house.
• Be prepared- If this is your first time riding the bus, you’re excused. If not, dude, you KNOW how much it costs to ride the bus. Have your money ready. It takes up so much time while the 5 other people waiting to get on the bus who have their pass or money READY have to stand outside while you dig through your pockets for a quarter. If you’re not ready, get in back of the line, don’t rush to be the first on the bus and hold everyone up!
• Respect the bubble – If the bus you’re on seats 20 people, and there are 5 other people on the bus, there is NO REASONABLE NEED to sit RIGHT NEXT TO ME. In general, when space allows it, a minimum of one seat separating strangers is the social norm here, space invader. And when I move because you’re all up in my bubble, don’t look at me like I’ve personally offended you. I don’t know you, so I have no need to try and figure out what you had for breakfast by smelling your breath. Speaking of breath…
• Hygiene matters- You never know when a bus is going to be crowded. And even if it isn’t, stanky people need to walk or cab it! You’re in public, inside a closed space. People will notice if you decided deodorant wasn’t important that day! Nothing ruins a day like then smelling your B.O. from the back of the bus.
• I do not care- More and more, people are throwing old school cell phone etiquette out the window. Do not be THAT person. You know the one. The person who shouts, loudly, on their cell phone about what was for dinner last night, that their boss worse brown shoes with black pants, or that D’Andre done just got outta lockup and guuuuuurl he was wantin’ him some last night! While the other person on the phone may care, no one else on the bus could give a damn. Cell phones aren’t outlawed, but don’t abuse the privilege! Oh, by the way, welcome home D’Andre.
• Unce, Unce, Unce – Music is awesome, I’m sure many people agree with me on that. However, what is awesome to you, Mr. Eminem fanatic, is not so awesome to me, the girl at the other end of the bus who is trying to ignore your ignorance. I’m pretty sure the 80-year-old sitting next to you that just turned off her hearing aid isn’t impressed either. Keep it to yourself.
• If they’re crazy, they don’t need encouragement- It’s no secret that crazy-ass people ride the bus. I’ve seen the most interesting things in the world riding the bus. If you see something crazy, just look away and distract yourself. Since what you see cannot be un-seen, that is the best way to keep the brain scabs to a minimum and to survive without brain bleach.
• Pay Attention, Mary Poppins - I know what it’s like to have to do your shopping without a car. It’s not easy. However, if you have bags and bags of crap, and the bus is full, PUT YOUR SHIT ON THE FLOOR. You do not need a seat for your ass, and 4 seats for your stuff. It’s in bags, it will survive! Put. It. On. The. Floor. Someone else needs the seat more than your milk and bread.
• Hey, Rudeness- On every single bus I have ever been on, there is a sign proclaiming that the front seats are to be surrendered if, at any time, an elderly or disabled person boards the bus. This is to provide them with a seat close to the entrance and exit. That means, get the fuck up! That does not mean watch the poor old lady hobble to the back of the bus and try to find a seat quickly.
• Do you ALWAYS Drive Like This? – Bus drivers, this is for you. You do know you are operating a multi-ton gigantic metal tube full of people, yes? Do you NEED to whip around corners and ride the ass of the guy in front of us? Or how about slamming on the breaks? Necessary? Methinks not. Also, we get you are a public service employee. In case you haven’t looked at your license in awhile, there is not a Class D for Dick. You don’t have to be an asshole when someone asks you a question, or even knocks on the door before you pull away. Unless they’re #1 on this list, then by all means, drive off.

All in all, if you just keep to yourself and be respectful to those around you (and the driver, too!) you will survive your journey on the public transportation system. Now, I have to shut up, and pray for the best for my bus ride tomorrow.

Loser

I am a loser.

Before you jump to conclusions, it’s true. As I do every Sunday morning (read: afternoon when I get up), I step on the scale. For the past 12 weeks, I’ve watched that number slooooowly creep down. Today, when I saw the digital display, I squealed with delight!

For 12 weeks, I’ve watched every bite of food that goes into my mouth. I’ve diligently calculated the ramifications of each meal. I’ve painstakingly kept track of what I eat, and how I’ve felt while eating, and after. I’ve made healthier choices. I’ve made efforts to be more active. I’ve done the work, and today, I saw the results.

I have lost 10% of my entire body weight. That may not seem like a lot to you, but you have to consider, I was a lot of person 12 weeks ago. I’ve lost a total of 24.5 lbs. To put that in perspective, here is a list of things that weigh approximately 25 lbs.

• A typical 18 month old baby.
• triple bulk candy vending machine when empty
• 3½ gallons of milk
• 5 large bags of sugar or flour

This is just the motivation I needed to keep plugging on. Hopefully in the next 12 weeks, I’ll hit my next 10 % goal, which is another 21 lbs away. It’s not easy, but I’ll get there, and I feel great about having stuck with it! My goal weight no longer seems daunting, it no longer seems unattainable. I WILL get there, and I WILL look, and feel, great when I do. Just another step in revamping my life, and getting to where I need to be!

I guess I’ll shut up.